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Gaming with Your Signifigant Other [Apr. 23rd, 2004|09:40 pm]
Hazel's Topics



OK. So I am part of a "gaming couple". We met while gaming, we joined each others gaming groups, we pooled together our gaming supplies when we moved in together(you really ought to see the dice jar on our dining room table...). If he runs, I play. If I run he plays. We've been described as disgusting by many a single gamer.

SO, the official topic is:
Do you game with your S.O. If you don't have one, would it matter if they didn't game? AND (for all you on-line gamers) will you play against your S.O?

Also, check out this Penny Arcade Cartoon!

Original Responses

posted 8-12-01

(Note: This post is appearing under 2 topics, because I couldn't make up my mind. To read the whole thing check out the topic about In-Game Sex -Haze)

I am lucky to be part of a gaming group that, at its core, has lasted 6 years just since I joined (and was in existence long before that - I came in on the 4th or 5th year of a campaign!) We have two married couples (myself and my husband and my current DM and his honey). We also have three men who have SO's not in the group and one woman who is involved with members both in and out of the gaming group. We are currently embroiled in a low-level Forgotten Realms AD&D game....

Kathleen Young Rybarczyk
aka K'Delah Oakmoon of the Chondalwood

posted 6-25-01

My wife is not a gamer per se, but does hand around and listen. She remembers player's characters' names and races from up to 2 years ago (meanwhile, I have players who don't remember their characters names from session to session). I have, in the past, dated gamers. I find that when the inevitable breakup comes, it shatters chronicles more effectively than any in- game horror. It took a while to learn, but I prefer being w/ an understanding non-gamer.

BlackHat Matt


I've been with my partner for 6 years. We were both gamers before we met but she was leery of playing in the games I played, because she didn't like the attitudes of some of my fellow players. It took a fair few years for that to be sorted out, partly because I didn't understand and she didn't want to make an issue of it.
If I wasn't with Gloria, I find it unlikely that I'd end up with someone who didn't game. It wouldn't necessarily be an issue for me, but a lot of my time is invested in gaming, or socialising with gamer friends. Who else am I going to meet?

We are not online gamers... but if we were, I expect Gloria would kick my ass ;) I can live with that.


Posted before 6/25/01

Just my two-cents, but I game with my S.O. We play at least twice a week, sometimes three times a week. With that kind of time, we would have to do it together, or bye-bye S.O. I have also seen other relationships with non-gamers become ugly due to the time spent away from each other. As for fighting my S.O. on-line, he wouldn't mind it, but I would take it way to seriously.



-- we have more books and a more complete selection than *BOTH* gaming stores in town....... put together!


My fiancee and I (we've been together half a decade now) have been gaming together for almost as long as we've been dating. We actually met doing ballroom dancing and the Renaissance Faire, but she was quite happy to be introduced to my gaming group. We play characters who usually get along fairly well-- we never actually play couples in the game. As far as playing *against* her, she'd kill me if I didn't do my very best to give her a good fight in a video game unless I was just showing her how it worked at first. :-) We often play the various competing-patterns games like Bust-a-Move, Tetris, Columns, and Super Puzzle Fighter 2 Turbo, and the game can go on for quite some time if I happen to be doing well, because we can't end the game until she wins fairly... Fortunately, while she is very competitive, I'm not competitive, and things work out very well for us.

Max Rible


Me and my SO always roleplay together. The main reason is that we like and complement each others styles. I like Dave's GMing which is really important for me. And every new concept I come up with for a game he wants to play. We've been criticised for this as well, but I'd rather = play in a game I enjoy, and have players I like Gming for.
But my previous partner and me couldn't roleplay together. We did once and ended up argueing every night after the game. I hated the way he roleplayed, and would never have had him in any of my games. Maybe it was significant as we aren't together anymore.

Rowena Knill


Constantly. She's used to hearing "Oh crap! I died! I'm going to lose everything! Sweetie....come loot my body!" Game against her? I wouldn't have a chance. She's more experienced and a much better player.



I met my husband gaming. He was my GM, and we have usually GM'd each other since for the past twelve years.
For the most part I think it's a good thing. He knows what things he can get away with as a GM for me, and what things I can't, and we create a much better story together because of it. I can usually tell when he's going to get obstinate about role-playing his character in a certain way, and can modify the game accordingly. He knows how to keep me happy and content too.

Things that aren't so cool? In-game arguments can creep into real life. Also, maybe it's sad, but we MET doing this, and it's one of the few things we have in common in our relationship. He went through a phase where he was determined he wasn't going to game anymore, where he was going to have a 'real life.' Our marriage suffered because of it, until we had a long chat and realized we actually needed the connection provided by gaming. (Maybe it's not so sad...a lot of marriage counselors encourage role-playing to keep a relationship 'young.')

We tend to game with a steady group, so it hasn't come up too often, but there have also been a few times when gamers (all men) have accused my husband of making me the 'star' of the campaign and giving me special privileges. What bunk! Just the opposite. He usually makes me work much harder for what I want on the grounds that he doesn't want to coddle me. In fact, I've found that OTHER male GMs are much more likely to give me special abilities as bizarro-world compensation for actually having tits. My own husband gets to see those all the time: he's not so easily impressed.



We're also a gaming couple. We've been together for more than ten years, and married for seven, but we didn't meet while gaming. I joined a world-building club that he was secretary of, and it just turned out that they also played AD&D and other things together.
For the first few years, we couldn't be in the same game without our characters hating one another. For some reason it was all right if either of us was the GM, but if someone else was running we used to fight like a couple of cats. This cleared up miraculously once we were married. To this day I don't know why.

We never had trouble with "GM's girlfriend syndrome": in fact both of us are so wary of it that we tend to be extra harsh on each other's characters.

(and well, yes, if I was single now I'd look for either a gamer or someone willing to become a gamer - have to be honest)

Irina Rempt-Drijfhout


Anyway I wanted to tell of my experiences with gaming with my lover. We met each other last year on a user meeting from the german roleplaying games newsgroup (incidentally, I organized the meeting, and enjoyed every minute of it - even the getting up very early after five hours of sleep so everyone could have breakfast bits) and a couple of days later we somehow got together.
As we actually live in different cities about a 3 hours drive apart, we do not play together on a regular basis (if you don't count about once every two months as regularly), but when we do, I enjoy it very much. I wish we could game together more often... we seem to like the same style of play (rather book-rules-free, dice-low, emphasis on cinematic/dramatic play), though I play to "get away from it all" and he might as well have any other activity as long as it is with his friends.

For me, it is important that my lover shares my enthusiasm and interest in rpg. In my last relationship my s.o. had no interest whatsoever for rpg, and as I find gaming and theory of rpg to be a big part of my life and personality, I could not share that with him then. I can do so now, and I'm very glad about that.

I do have other interests as well, though, mind you. Actually, when together with my rpg-friends we often do talk about heaps of other stuff, but not the game.
But I'm rambling, sorry.

So, yes, I game with my s.o., and more important, I can theorize about gaming with him. And, yes, it would matter, if he didn't game, as gaming is a significant part of my personality. It is important to me, that I can share that with my s.o.

And even though I don't play online games, I don't think I'd particularly like the idea to play against my lover (but that is because I don't like games where you play against others, or where there are winners and losers).

Anja Henkelmann


My husband and I met when he played in a LARP that I'd written. We now collaborate on running LARPs. For table top stuff, we both GM and play. We've tried collaborative GMing there, but it doesn't work very well.
When we're both players, our characters tend not to interact very much. We have actually worked against each other in one shot scenarios or limited multi-session games. That can be fun because we know what to expect from each other. I think the reason we don't have our characters interact closely generally is that we're trying to avoid the joined at the hip syndrome.

I know that I would still game without my husband. I believe that he would still game without me. (When we got married, one of his friends asked me plaintively if I would still "let" my husband game. I said that I would as long as he continued to let me do it too.)

Anne C. Moore


[User Picture]From: litlbeast
2004-06-19 12:18 am (UTC)
I'm so psyched to have found this user/thread.

I have just started a romantic relationship with a man I've been friends with for two years. I've been a player in a d&d game he's gm'd for those years, and we're about to start a V:tM game together. I played d&d in jr. high for a summer, forgot all about the game til I met Sean, then agreed to join his game since he had other novices who wanted to get involved. I've had a great time with it. I'm a graphic artist by trade, but I've been a writer (of mostly fantasy) all my life and now I'm beginning to submit work to a game publishing company.

I'm thrilled to have gaming as a common interest between me and Sean. I'm a novice, really - two years at best, and he's been playing for two decades. (we're the same age, btw). It's exciting for him to be able to teach me what he knows, and it's exciting for me to find my ideas for realms, prestige classes, races etc. so enthusiastically received by him. It's a win-win situation.

In my humble opinion, humans do best at play. It keeps them young, healthy and sane. Any who speak ill of fun are obviously not getting enough. Of it. (hehe.)
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[User Picture]From: morgansong
2004-06-19 10:54 am (UTC)


Sounds like you found a good thing. Congrats!

My husband is currently in the other room converting characters from one system to another. We haven't gamed with this group in almost a year. Some couples have dinner parties. We have games...
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